He spread His wings and caught me, He carried me on His pinions!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

2 months after Johnny skated into heaven (2009 Journal entry)

more of my journal....
At the time, it seemed only normal to blame God and to be extremely angry at Him for the loss of my son, Johnny. But as my anger subsided, and I began to ease into the deep sadness and loss, I learned that God was, once again, assuring me that this loss would help me on the next leg of my own personal journey. It seemed terribly wrong, and then I remembered, God never wastes a hurt. I had forgotten that I live in a broken world, with broken people, not only was my heart broken but others’ hearts had been broken too. For me the realization that I would never see my son marry or have children, gripped me like carrying a heavy anchor over my shoulders. How unfair, how cruel, how crushing! But beneath my feelings of sorrow and pain, I could hear God’s still soft voice assure me that Johnny had lived his full life; nothing ever happens to us that has not passed over God’s desk first. Even more importantly, I had to hang on to my faith, knowing that God still loved me and my family; that He would help us through this grief together – even in our anger.

The rain falls on the just and the unjust….

Dear Lord, Help me to always remember that I will get more time, in Heaven, with Johnny than I ever had here on earth and that he has completed his journey here (lived his full life here on earth) and is now in the arms of Your mercy. In the meantime, help me to be a godly mom & gramma for my adult-children and grand-children! In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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