Van Gogh says, "The best way to know God is to love many things."
After the loss of Johnny it was difficult for me to venture out or to talk to anyone. I could hardly pull my legs out from under the covers and drop my feet to the floor, let alone tend to my husband, Jeff. I was consumed by the loss of Johnny. It seemed I had nothing to give to anyone and fearful of reaching out to the one's I loved the most for support. What was to prevent this from happening again? My fear's overwhelmed me. I was so afraid that another of my four children might have an accident and then I would, again, go through another of many losses. My heart could not take another loss.
As a young girl, I remember the loss of my Opa and then my Oma [gramma and grampa]. I thought, if only I could shield myself from these devastating losses.
The wisdom of the ages and God's Word says that the way to find life is to die, to give away your life. Letting go of my children, years ago, was the BIGGEST loss. I never imagined that I would lose one of my precious children to join God in heaven, before me? It just didn't seem right.
I think my Johnny had a good grasp on life. He had Sooo many friends! When I looked around at his memorial. My heart was overwhelmed with all the guys who loved him and came to honor him. Johnny had it right! Love as many people as possible! That way if one of them dies, you will still have many more friends to love you and support you!
It seems my son got what life was all about... love as many people as you can get your hands on!
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| This is one of Van Gogh's pictures which is in Johnny's room. It is called "Starry Night!" |
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